All AnnexCafe Guidelines for both our newsgroup and our chat-room will be respected and followed by this group. Therefore, please make yourself familiar with all AnnexCafe Guidelines. Additionally, we have implemented some guidelines for this specific group that will help us to both interpret the AnnexCafe rules to the best interest of our group mission, and also to add guidelines for issues directly involving codependency which have not been addressed by AnnexCafe. AnnexCafe’s Guideline #1 gives us that option, as long as our own rules or guidelines do not conflict with theirs.

1. Feel Free to Share
Everyone is free to "share" on the topic of the post or write new posts about anything else that might be relevant in their lives at the time. Sharing is so called because it involves sharing your experiences, feelings, and recovery with other members in the group.

2. Giving Advice
Feel free to offer support, ideas, validation, your own stories, and so forth.  However, please refrain from giving direct advice, especially when it has not been asked for, and do not try to force others to make decisions, or move faster in their recovery than they wish to move. Our purpose is to empower people to make their own decisions and work on their own recovery at their own pace.

3. Be Nice
Treat other group members in a courteous manner, and please act respectfully toward others even if you disagree with their opinions. Flaming, (*defined in the following paragraph) disrupts the entire list, so we take it very seriously and handle it ASAP.  Please don't take issues personally or take it personally if someone does not follow this rule. Instead, forward any offending post, e-mail, etc., to the moderators, and it will be dealt with appropriately.

* Flaming can consist of, but is not limited to, verbally lashing out at a group member(s), "name calling," degrading or humiliating a group member(s), slandering the character of another member(s), repeatedly writing personal e-mails to individuals who do not wish to receive them, creating situations which antagonize or attempt to manipulate other group members to "take sides" on controversial issues against another member(s). Please note that "no flaming" is also an AnnexCafe guideline, (guideline # 2), and not only a guideline of this particular group.

4. Conflicts
Conflicts will happen - especially between people who consider themselves codependent. On this board, this can be a chance to practice the art of calmly stating your needs, wants and opinions, listening to others and coming to a solution together. Everyone has a right to set his/her own personal "boundaries," but many compromises can be found, when individual boundaries conflict. If a resolution to a conflict cannot be found by those involved, bring the issue up with the moderators, and in line with CoDA tradition, a "Group Consciousness" can be organized to deal with the matter.

Please follow all other rules and guidelines when resolving conflicts. Remember, you may disagree with an opinion, but you may not personally attack another member(s) – there is a significant difference. Personally attacking another member(s) is considered flaming, and it is not necessary or desirable behavior when resolving conflicts. As previously stated, this type of behavior will not be permitted. If you are in doubt about how to appropriately settle a conflict, please ask for help from other members, or from the group moderators. Do not feel embarrassed to ask for this help. No one has perfect communication skills, and these are the kinds of issues our group is designed to help us learn to resolve.

5. Stay on Topic
We have a need to keep individual posts on topic. When adding threads to an original post, please try to keep in mind that if we get onto a completely different subject, it is hard to find that thread later on, when we might want to go back to it. Therefore, if you feel you will be changing the initial topic of an individual post, please write a new post for the subject you are about to change to (the subject of the new post might indicate that it is a reply to an old post. For example: "Chatting on line. Was: Introduction"). This way, new-comers, and us oldies, alike, will be better able to follow the discussions, and know what individual posts contain.

However, when we say that we should stay "On Topic" that does not mean that individual posts all have to remain strictly on the topic of codependency or related issues – we are only suggesting that we keep *threads* to posts on the same topic as the original post. This way, old posts can be left "to rest," and it will be easier to participate and follow conversations.

6. Personal Privacy and Safety

Since this is the internet, we can never say that your posts will be protected from the eyes of outsiders. Please do not list such personal information that might endanger your own, or others', safety in anyway. Such personal information might include: home address, location of your work, addresses of your children's school, social security numbers, etc. If you choose to use a fictitious name, that is fine. If not, that is fine too. Some personal boundaries here will be left to your own judgment. At times the group may wish to engage in activities such as birthday remembrances, etc. If you do not feel comfortable sharing your birthday, or other such information, please never feel obligated to do so.

Also, please remember that when sharing personal information about yourself, it could be repeated on some other board, or used to make you vulnerable to a lurking predator. Divulging this information will once again be left to your own discretion.

7. Anonymity and Confidentiality
Since this is a 12 Step Recovery Group, we expect that no person in this group should ever break the confidentiality or anonymity of another poster. This breech of anonymity generally takes place in one of two ways.

First, if you recognize a poster as someone you know personally, or from another group, etc., do not mention the names, identities, other affiliations, or identifying information of that member. If that individual wishes to have his/her identity known to us, it should be up to her or him to give that information.

Secondly, never cross-post messages, and do not quote our members words on other boards without specific permission from that individual. Even though it is possible for other people to drop into our group at any time, do not announce to other groups who our members are, or give information that would be identifying to them. Due to the sensitive nature of the posts on this board, these breaches of confidentiality and anonymity can not be tolerated. You can and most likely will be banned from this group for such behavior.

8. Your Responsibilities

Each individual must set her or his own personal boundaries, but following are some suggested guidelines.

      A. Don't feel the need to like everyone or read their posts.
B. Don't try to rescue others in trouble or who have major problems.
C. Don't do for others what they can do for themselves.
D. Don't respond to attempts to bait you and pull you into someone else's drama or chaos.
E. Ask for what you need from the group if you are not getting it.
F. Don't feel the need to read every post and respond if you'd rather do something else.
G. Bring up concerns to the moderators instead of letting them go.
H. Acknowledge that other people will live their lives the way they want, not the way you may want.
I. Take what you like, and leave the rest.

 Thank you